ranting

i have never been this dead my whole life. that's even an understatement.

people are quitting med school left and right. the people i once thought were the more-than-hundred-percent-sure-med-school are dropping like flies. the people i know who are way smarter and studious than me are either leaving this dream or putting it on hold.

what makes me think i can do this?

i'm failing everything. and unfortunately, i'm not exaggerating. i'm failing. literally. i've never had grades like these my whole life and i really don't know how to make them go higher. i enrolled for the 2nd sem knowing i haven't passed a single exam in a major subject. how screwed am i?

everyone's saying i can, tiredness is all just a part of it, and so is failing. but non-med people (i'm not being arrogant or anything) can never understand. the tiredness, the disappointment, the beating of your self-esteem until it's practically gone.

i feel like i'm failing everything - in every aspect of my life.

plus, people seem to have disappeared and i really don't know why. i've been feeling this way for months. the distance is.. ewan. it's so big it's leaving me speechless. all i can really say is it takes two. either to make something or ruin something, it always takes two. or maybe more than two, but i'm definitely sure it's not just me.