thinking, in general

life can be so confusing.

everyone has their own opinion of you. some think im childish and immature while some think im not. a person once told me that, in psych terms, im in the postconventional level.

its amazing how two people can think so differently of you. the exact opposite actually. if you dont know yourself well enough, which in truth i dont think i do, you can wind up being confused. about how you reason with people, how you think and how you handle certain situations.

i know people always say "its always up to you, who you want to be, who you are, its always up to you.it doesnt matter what others think"

but sometimes, its extremely difficult to decide for yourself when people can be so judgemental and when they see you as something you think you're not. not that im being egocentric, but people always put something over my head. and i feel as if i have to live up to it even if i actually dont. i dont know why but its probably because all my life, that thing has always been there. so often that ive learned to be that way and to live with it.

right now, i dont exactly know if im really that person or if i want to be that. but it seems to be working out well for me. so i guess im sticking to it for a while. maybe not forever, maybe someday ill figure out who i really am. but right now, its what i have and its what my life has been.