i remember one of my friends telling me before that beer only tastes bitter when you're happy (not that i drink). if i drink beer now, it'd probably taste.. sweet. so much has happened the past few weeks. too much, too hurtful, too hard.

up until now, ive always thought i can get through anything. my name is the exact opposite of my life. though people can say im generally a happy person, everything ive experienced tells me that i shouldn't be. o feel as if the world's telling me that i shouldnt be here, that i shouldnt be existing. and because i shouldnt be here, it throws everything right at me, seeing when i'll give in. ive tried so hard to keep myself sane, to keep myself happy inspite of everything. yet, right now, i feel powerless. i feel i cant force myself to be happy this time and act as if everythings okay, as if im not hurting.

i cant because i am. because every fiber of my being feels that i am. because it hurts more when i try to hide it. i cant because i want someone to rescue me, because i want someone to make my hurting stop.

you say you're scared. scared of hurting me again, scared of everything you're uncertain of. but im scared. im also scared. im scared of the same things you're scared of. im scared of being hurt again, im scared that someday i might hurt you, im scared that maybe you wont come back. but still, im here. you asked me to be brave enough to get to know you, to delve deeper into you. i want to, so badly. and because i want to, im risking everything that's left of me. im risking getting hurt again, im putting myself in your hands. because before i can do what you ask of me, you too must be brave enough to make beer bitter for me again.