hey you

there's nothing to be afraid of you know.what was between me and a certain someone happened a long time ago.wala na un ngayon.and all hope of it - not that it's something im hoping for - ever coming back again is gone.i believe that certain someone has moved on, for real.

i know there's really nothing i can do about what you're feeling, you're sudden outbursts of paranoia.all i can do is assure you that it wont happen.you dont know how much i want to be w/ you everytime you feel paranoid and stuff.prang kpag cnsbi mo skin un, gus2 kta puntahan khit na nasaan ka pa.just so i could hug you and make you feel better.

*last line deleted.it was meant to be read only by you and not anyone else :)*

*floating on a cloud*

yesterday was...i dont know what to say...im speechless...haha...

u make me feel so...its undescribable...

this is all i can say about what happened yesterday...

wala...its something i dont need to "document"...im gonna remember this for the rest of my life...and i love that fluffy recliner...

*****

going back to the present, the homecoming was pretty short.ntpos sya ng mga 10+.dont homecomings end at 12+ or something?haha.pro ang galing.complete w/ a 10-minute fireworks show and a mini hale concert at the end.i think my eardrums are now officially destroyed...kung ung katabi mo ba nman e ngwwala dba?haha.

nstuck na sa ulo ko ang song ng hale...haha."hindi ko maisip kung wala kaaaa...." *sings to herself* haha labo!

i feel

...nothing.it took me 2 whole months 2 accept the fact that i cant continue what im doing.i guess, subconsciously, i knew i'd never be able to go that far.not that i cant, i know i can.d lng ako pnayagan...

yesterday, everything just came crashing down on me.the realization i didn't want to accept, the loneliness i've been feeling for the past 2 months, the end of a dream.i didn't want to acknowledge that it was over.i didn't want to cry at first, because i thought crying would make it official.but then, even before the mc sang for the staffers, i cried.

i couldn't hold it back and i was tired of holding it all in.at that moment, when i let my tears fall, i decided to leave it all to Jess.i guess it wasnt meant for me.He had other plans for me and its something im willing to accept, no matter how hard it is for me to do so.

i'll always feel sad when i think about this.it was something i really wanted to do.something i wanted to work hard for.ill be alright, i just need some time.

i still get teary-eyed when i think about everything.but the next time i cry, it'll not only be for what i lost but also for the friends and happy memories i've gained.

Sabi Mo nga dba:
"There is nothing in this world that can happen to me, that You and I cannot handle."

you should know...

we had a sort of serious talk a while ago...haha.and it just left me thinking...

i totally understand kung bakit mnsan npparanoid ka.im fine w/ that.bast wg lang ung mgsselos ka ng wla sa lugar.alm ko nman d ka gnun e.bsta, ung cnbi ko syo kanina, alam kong alam mo na kung anu un, keep it in mind.DONT EVER FORGET IT.if you do...wla.ssbihin ko lng dn un syo ult.

naiintindihan ko din kung bkt ng-iingat ka.if i were in ur place, mg-iingat dn ako.haha.wla nman kasing taong gustong masaktan e.takot dn ako masaktan, just because i dont know how it would really feel.kng bkit some people never recover from it.and those who do, need a lot of time to get things back on track.as scared as i am of getting hurt, there's one thing im more scared of.

mas natatakot ako sa thought na baka masaktan kita kaysa sa thought na baka masaktan mo ko.alam ko ssbihin mo skin na alam mong d ko kya gwin un syo and stuff.and nkktuwa kpag cnsbi mo un.pro kc nttkot ako na bka nga msktan kta.im not sure of what im capable of doing.and if mgwa ko nga na saktan ka, ok lng skn na mglit c joy or whatever.sbi ko nga dba, ako pa mismo llpit sknya.d ko lng alam if i can live w/ d fact na nsaktan kta.

ngget mo ba cnsbi ko?prang ako lng ata nkkaintindi.haha.oh well.

another survey to amuse me

have you ever...
~smiled at strangers?
yes, all the time.kya lang isip ata nla wierd ako e.haha.

~cried lately?
lately?..uhh..yes

~punched someone?
hehe yup

~climbed a mountain?
nope..gusto ko..

~swam side by side with fishes?
nope...gusto ko diiiin...pro ayko kng my shark..

~hugged an enemy?
not really, 1 lng ata enemy ko e pro i dont think he/she believes na galit ako sknya.haha..

~kissed any1?
haha yup...walang malisya a

~dated a loser?
nope..ang sama nman kung tawagin ko syang loser

~dated a total stud/babe?
ewan ko...is he a stud?...haha

~been fired?
nope :D

~gone AWOL?
on rare occasions...haha...

~accomplished ur New Years Resolutions?
come to think of it...i don't have a new year's resolution...

~volunteered for charity?
yup

~walked the distance for someone?
yeah :D

~established your style?
weh?no haha...i dont think so....

~regretted loving someone?
nope..never

~fought with ur beau?
eh?hahaha.

~loved someone (aside from God & ur family please) unconditionally?
yup

~pressed charges?
nope...almost did though w/ the encouragement of my friends haha.kya lng, ntakot ako e.haha.

~been in jail?
nope gusto ko smama sa mga outreach na pmpnta sa jail...haha..

~bathe an infant?
nope...gs2 ko mgpaligo ng baby...haha

~twisted ur ankle?
yup haha.

~wished u were dead?
yes and no...depends on how you define death...

~missed someone so much?
yes, SOBRA nkakabaliw na.

~jumped into water 20 ft or more deep?
d ata e...haha.

~told someone you love her even if it means goodbye?
...not really.haha.

~gone to church lately?
yes

~been kidnapped?
nope

~held up?
nope

~eaten a frog?
nope...sbi nla prang chicken lng dw..

~wished u were someone famous?
nope, ayoko nga...

~been to a gay bar?
..uh...haha bkt nman ako ppnta dun?...

~learned a lesson d hard way?
lgi nman e.haha.ang tigas kc ng ulo ko e. :D

~hugged someone lately?
yup...how i wish i could've hugged that person 4ever. :D haha.

~thanked God for your life?
yep...every single day of my life :)

an hour and a half of math 12

got my grades and yeah, i passed math 11.haha.so now, the only thing that's keeping me from being a sophomore is an hour and a half of math 12.

an hour of math was bad enough.but an hour and a half?!i gotta find better things to do than just sit in my seat and stare at my math teacher...acting as if i undertsand everything he's saying...

sad to say, im gonna miss sir cabral...really...gone were those stressful days of confusion...
*weh?ang drama!!!haha.please take note, jokes are jokes and are definitely not half-meant!*

here's to long sleepless nights of studying for math tests!!!
here's to coffee addiction and headache medicine!!!
here's to bangag and sabog days!!!

~O, hihirit ka nnman ba na at least c sir nmmiss ko? :) haha.i miss you.i miss you more than anything/anyone.kahit na ksma kta yesterday and kausp arw arw.haha.di ko na to kaya...buti pa c jamie, wlang problema *wink* haha joke lng :D ~