frustrated

we went to sm last sunday to shop for shoes and restring my brother's guitar.we ended up eating dinner in lemongrass instead of sticking to the "do what we have to do and leave" plan.while eating, my mom saw her friend.she stayed and they talked for awhile.she was looking for a couple of books for her daughter's book review.they were unbelievably hard to find.the books teachers give nowadays...tsk tsk...

for some reason, they were talking about me...in front of me...wierd.most of my teachers were my siser's teachers as well.and everytime my mother goes to school and gets to meet some of my teachers, she never fails to mention my sister's name.this would then lead to the teacher asking if we were related then eventually, to the teacher knowing that we are actually sisters.and when they find out, they become surprised. "magkapatid c jan and joy?!talaga?!they're so different.how could that be?" -> yan daw ang mga sinasabi ng mga teacher, according to my mother.my mother's friend gave a comment which surprisingly, hurt me.sabi nya "bakit daw?c jan daw ung good tapos c joy daw ung bad?haha."everyone just laughed.so did i.

thing is, i was never an honor student.i even get grades in the line of 7.i seldom recited willingly.i never got perfect scores during lq's and pt's.i never became president of a club.i never became a class officer.i was never asked to represent or participate in any contest or whatsoever.i was never anything like my sister.

there was a time in my life that i was most probably considered the black sheep by my family.but things have changed...i have changed.sure, out of the 4 of us (4 kaming magkakapatid) im the only one who actually has the guts to answer my dad back.kung tingin ko mali sya talagang sinasagot ko sya.and nababara ko sya a mind you.even my mother's afraid of doing that.before, i took pleasure in seeing my dad squirm because he couldn't find anything else to counter me.but that was before.i've stopped doing that a long time ago.i had a once-in-a-lifetime experience and because of that i changed.people who knew me before 2nd year could testify to that.and they've accepted me as what i have become.they've learned to "forget" who i used to be.

*****

To my family,
im not asking you to change.i just want you to accept who i am right now.
you're my family after all.atchie's good in studying, computers and etc.im good at other things.why don't you appreciate that?you keep comparing me to atchie when i dont want to be like her.i want to be my own person.i'll join whichever org i want to join, i'll go back to fc and mc if i want to, i'll keep serving in the DWTL, i'll keep doing everything i love to do.stop forcing me to be more fashionable, more "in", more like my sister.im not rebelling, im just doing my own thing.we're two different people, you have to understand that.
i have a wider range of friends.i have friends from ages 4 to at least 26.there's nothing wrong with that.so what if i have friends who you think are gay, so what if i have friends who drink...a lot, and smoke...a lot, who do not know how to speak chinese.you should be happy that im not discriminating.im old enough to know if my friends are bad influences.and im old enough to be responsible for myself.if you only knew how many times i've been invited to drink but have turned down the offer, how many times i've been asked to smoke but refused, how many times i've been tempted to sneak out but decided against it.im not as bad as you think i am.i just want to be me.stop trying to change me into who you want me to be.i have plans for myself.and if those plans are enough for me, then they should be enough for you.
i cannot tell you that i haven't made wrong decisions.i've made thousands of wrong decisions.but they're part of life.that's how i learn.you have to allow me to make mistakes.so when i look back at my life, it would be worth something.
you have to let me have my sad moments.there is no such thing as happiness if there is no sadness after all.
this is my life.let me live it the way i want to live it.dont live it for me.you can guide me, by all means please do.just dont, please dont, take over it.
i promise i wont do anything stupid that might destroy my life.if i do, i give you every right to take over.but unless that happens, dont.

if i could...

haha hay nako caresse :) kya pla pinapabasa mo blog mo e...my papasagot ka...tsk tsk...ang layo na ng narating nito a.haha :) ito na.

if i could be in one place right now...
~i'd be in heaven...haha!!!nangarap ba?! haha :) cge, totoong sagot na, i'd be right here.i am where i want to be.syempre madami din ako gus2 puntahan, pro ultimately, yes, there's no place like home. :) not just home - "house" home, i mean "with family and friends" home.

if i could give something of myself to my friends...
~there's no concrete thing i'd like to give my friends.its not that i dont want to part w/ my stuff, i just wont be able to find anything of the same value as my friends.so i guess, like caresse, my time and my effort to be a good friend.bakit ang corny ng sagot ko?haha.hinde seryoso.my friends now how much i value them. :) *wink wink* diba? haha! :)

if i could take people somewhere...
~i'd take them to a place like the one in "the beach" if i could find a place like that in my lifetime.haha.kasi its a place that's pure and free from, sorry, man's arrogance.or maybe if i have my own place na i'd take my friends there.just so they could see where i live and stuff.pra they could visit me na din.haha.at least the latter's most likely to happen in this lifetime. :)

if i could make one dream come true...
~my dream?to be an angel :) ayan nanaman ako nangangarap nnman! :) wahaha!!!seryoso na, i dont have a dream - "what i would be in the future" dream.im still uncertain of what i want to do.but one thing's for sure. :) i want to be able to inspire people to be good.kasi someone is continually inspiring me to be good (feeling mabait nman ako! wahaha!!!) - at least to try to be good - and i want to pass it on.so..does that make it a dream?

if i could make real magic...
~i'd make utopia. :) haha so basically same lng sa sagot ni caresse.absolutely no injustice in the world and of course, how could i forget the ever unique answer, world peace. :) haha.and since nagmamagic na rin lang ako i'd be happy to give myself the power to fly narin.haha. :)

i tag shanti, sandy, AL, Jamie and Jera.happy answering to the five of you. :) haha.

please listen to reason

I know you're ok, but it would be more assuring for everyone if we were able to contact you or see you. You really went overboard this time. You may believe that what you have done is right but you are wrong this time. Of that, I am sure.

You could have trusted us to help you. If you would only allow us to help. We think we know why you did what you did, and despite our best efforts to twist the situation to your favor, we can't. Noone's blaming you for what you did. Noone's blaming you for anything. I certainly hope you don't blame yourself when you find out what's been happening while you were "gone".

You dont need to do anything you dont want to do. All you have to do is listen. Listen to us, your friends, your family, to everyone who's concerned and worried sick about you. It may seem hard at first, but you know you need to listen. As blinded as you are by the happiness you think you're feeling, we really think you should check again. Slow down. You have your whole life ahead of you. Noone's leaving you. Noone's going to judge you. Be assured that your friends and family will still accept you. If they dont, then at least you know that they are not your real friends and family. The reason you did all this, is not worth it. "It" is not worth destroying your life over.

We dont know if we did the right thing. We dont know anything. We only know that you need to stop what you're doing. It may not yet be apparent to you, but it is clear to us that it is only hurting you. After this is over, nothing will change. Everything will still be the same. Except that you - we hope - have by then learned to understand why we are doing what we are doing.

Plant Blindness

Filipno's have long suffered from plant blindness.And sadly, it has caused us billions and billions of dollars - yes, dollars, not pesos. We simply do not put much importance to the rich biodiversity in our country.

Here's proof:
1.Ilang-ilang has been used by old women to give rooms a fragrant smell even before potpourri was known to the world. The French came and they noticed the potential of the flower and took with a couple of ilang-ilang seeds. They came to Africa and bought a huge piece of land where they grew ilang-ilang trees. They extracted the oil from the orchid which is now the base oil for all YSL perfumes.

2.Everyone loves nata de coco.When the Spanish came, Filipinos, being very hospitable, served them nata de coco.The Spaniards loved the taste of it and asked the Filipinos for samples to take back home. Malaysia and Indonesia soon found out about it and even took classes just to learn how to make nata de coco. Filipinos have known how to make nata de coco long before but noone had patented it. When Sony decided to engage in miniturization they were forced to look for an alternative to steel (because steel, becomes more fragile as it becomes smaller) They noticed that nata de coco was made of fiber woven together (notice how when you eat nata de coco, its extremely hard to break it in 2, chewing only flattens the fibers but does not break it)
Now, Sony takes the fibers of nata de coco, coats it to keep moisture out and uses it in their new inventions. Nata de coco fibers are also being tested for use as surgical thread. The beauty of the fibers when used in surgery is that once the wound has healed, since nata de coco is biodegradable, it degrades itself.

3.There is a beautiful flower found in Mt. Makiling, Medinilla magnifica, or the kapa-kapa. this flower is unique to the Philippines. There is a botanical garden in Mt. Makiling that shows the kapa-kapa to people who visit the garden. Sad to say, people who visit pay no attention to this flower. Some people from the Netherlands came and were amazed by this flower. They took a some samples home. Since their climate is different from ours, they set up a wholoe nursery just so they could plant the kapa-kapa in their country. After being successful in growing the kapa-kapa, they came back to the Philippines bringing their version of the flower. They are now selling this to Filipinos at the price of P500 each. Filipinos are buy these flowers when they find out that they came from the Netherlands. Little do they know that they are being cheated into buying a flower that originally came from the Philippines.

If we paid more attention to what we have around us and stopped destroying our resources, the Philippines might be able to save itself from the economic crisis we are now facing. If we are one of the richest countries in terms of biodiversity. And if ranked according to land mass, we could have very well placed first. The Philippines is only 2/1000 of the earth's land mass. But 5% of the plant species can be found here. Our plants are not only given national heritage, they are given global patronage.

*****

it pays to listen in botany class.you never know what you'll find out.just sharing what our teacher told us this morning.

TRIVIA: There are about species of orchids in our country. And out of the 800, 700-750 species can only be found in the Philippines. Only about 50-100 species of orchids can be found worldwide.

The Dark Side Of Catholicism

Many people will most probably be surprised that I actually bought and am now in the process of reading this book.

I saw this book I think about a year ago.It was in this bookstore at Eastwood.I forgot the name.No, not Powerbooks.The smaller one, beside Starbucks, I think.Anyway, my mom refused to buy it for me then.The title explains why my mom didn't want to buy it for me.haha.I've had my eye on this book for quite a while now and pretty happy that I was finally able to buy it.Using my mom's money. :) She doesn't know though.Hehe.My sister had to go to National earlier in the evening to buy a school book and she was gonna use a card to pay for it.Besides, my mom gave me permission to buy a book.So technically, I'm not doing anything wrong.Ngayon ko lang nakita tong book in another bookstore.So i grabbed the chance to buy it. :) My sister was actually hesitant to buy the book for me.

Siguro nagtataka kayo no?Kung bakit I'm so keen on reading it.Well...just because.Haha.Joke :)

I'm a Catholic.I'm assuming everyone I know knows that.Everyone also knows that I love being a Catholic. :) I don't go to mass regularly, but I go when I can.I pray often.I pray before I eat and before I sleep.

But here's the thing: I believe (reflection paper na to) that you can't completely accept a certain religion without first knowing the flaws in it.

The book's purpose is not to convert Catholics to another religion.It just allows Catholics to see what's really happening behind the scenes...why we have so many dogmas regarding Mary, why Peter was the 1st pope, what Christians did to the Jews and a whole lot of other stuff (I haven't read the whole book yet) You will be surprised at the capability of Catholics to do evil.The things they even thought of doing...some they actually did do.There are just so many things we believe in right now which are actually contrary to what the Bible says.

I guess every religion has a flaw.One way or another.It's just that most religions like to hide it from the public.I really don't see why.When in the end, it always is and will always be a matter of faith.

1st day of school

i only had 2 classes for the day.

9:00-10:30 botany
11:00-12:00 pe

saya!yan ang sched ko every tuesday.

anyway, the day started with botany in sec A 117 A.i arrived at ateneo 15 minutes early so i ended up waiting with ino.my classmate in ica and blockmate in ateneo :) there was a class in 117 A so we couldn't go in yet.we went to the cr first then when we came back there were Y1 and Y2 people in the room already. :) haha!so anyway, we waited wuite a while for our teacher, ms. lagunzad, to come. (yeah!!!i got the good teacher! :) sabi ni JB, our TNT, ok daw sya na teacher sa sci!she's also our teacher in botany lab) while waiting, nag-uusap kami ng blockmates ko. (yumi, i feel sorry for the car you drove. :) haha.buti nalang nothing happened to you) when ms. lagunzad arrived, we were even joking-quietly a-that she was just another student and not the teacher.and yes, gullible me almost fell for it!

funny thing kasi our teacher forgot to introduce herself.she explained the rubrics for her class, how to compute for your grades, requirements and etc.when she was finished, she asked us if we had any questions.somebody from Y2 raised his hand and asked, "ano po pangalan niyo, ma'am?" she said, "ay oo nga no!" then introduced herslef.noone laughed at that time, noone even noticed what really happened.but it's funny now that i think about it. :) hehe.

our class was up to 10:30 but we were dismissed 45 minutes early. :) yes, no lesson for today. sarah, therese, loren and i decided to go to the guidance office to schedule our interview.it's required.i was scheduled for june 28 2:30 pm. :)

hinatid namin ni sarah si therese sa dorm then we went to the gym na for our pe.we walked the whole way a mind you.it's not that far when you're talking to somebody.our pe teacher didn't arrive.so we left the gym at around 11:30. :) sinundo namin si therese sa dorm then went to the caf.but when we got there, it was crammed with people.kaya nagdecide kami na kumain nalang sa cervini caf. :) haha!we were laughing at ourselves kasi pabalik balik kami.

nothing happened while we were eating that i think pwede ilagay dito.so i'll skip to what we did after.therese and sarah we're going to natio to buy books so hinatid ko sila sa waiting shed (what do you call the place where students wait for the trikes?) then went to wait for my brother at the batibot tree.haha. :)

tomorrow i'm with my english block. :) haha.can't wait! :)

summer's over!!!

i went to batangas yesterday.and grabe, my whole body got sunburned!except the parts covered by my bathing suit, of course.ngayon lang ako ngkasunburn, ganito pa!ang hirap matulog kasi ang hapdi.

so pagdating namin dun, we just changed tapos swimming na kami agad sa beach. :) mabato sa ilalim kaya medyo masakit sa paa.pero ang babaw ng tubig.we went so far from shore pero nalalakad pa namin.di pa nga abot sa leeg ung water e.there was one time when my aunt tried to wear her slippers kasi nga diba mabato.e ngfloat sya tapos tinangay ng alon kaya nag-end up e naghahabol siya ng tsinelas sa beach. :) wahaha!!!

my mom rented this sort of raft tapos ang hirap talaga umakyat.pero nakaakyat ako by myself a!!nsugat lng ako sa bamboo.haha.si atchie nasugat sa tuhod.there were guys to help us get up the raft.un anak ng mga friends ng mom ko.haha.pero ang hirap parin e.kaya tuloy nung dinala kami sa gitna ng dagat wlang my gusto bumaba ng raft to check out what's underneath.ung mga lalaki lng.nagsnorkeling sila dun sa gitna ng dagat.habang kaming mga babae, nkaupo lang sa raft at nagbibilad sa araw.haha.kasi lahat kami takot na baka di na kami makaakyat ulit.haha may nakita daw silang mga isda na maliliit.

we brought goggles with us when we "drifted" out to sea.haha.feeling shipwrecked tuloy kaming lahat.anyway, nagsuot kami ng goggles at dumapa kami sa raft.with our head in the water.para maka- "sight seeing" kami sa ilalim ng tubig. :) haha.ako wala akong nakitang isda.ung mga lalaki lang my nakita.pero maganda sa ilalim.parang green and white underwater garden.

after we got back to shore, nixie and i (d nakasama si joanna, she suddenly had a despedida she had to go to) decided to get an empty bottle and fill it with seashells.we were walking up and down the beach looking for seashells tp put inside.muntik na namin mapuno a.we just needed a few more to fill it.3/4 din ng bottle napuno nmin.im gonna dry the shells out and put them in a smaller bottle. :) we also got 10 hermit crabs din for nixie to take home to aldrich (her little brother) as pasalubong.haha.

summer's officially over.in less than 30 minutes.haha.my pasok na ko bukas.i have to fix my bag pa.ok lang.i had my first and last summer outing for this year.haha.

enrollment (no more "MOOOB!!!!")

tapos na orsem!!!! :) haha!!enrollment na nmin tom.i have to be in school by 9.i don't dare arrive late kasi baka tawagin number ko when im not there.if that happens (hopefully not) i'll have to wait for everyone to finish enrolling before i can enroll.

i wonder what i'll be taking for pe.i've already chosen a few that i want and fit in my sked, but my random #'s 168.i dont know if open pa ba ung classes that i want by the time i enroll.

*****

im sure gonna miss the screaming people.d ko na maririnig ang mga ateneans na sumisigaw ng "MOOOB!!!!MOOOB!!!!" pati ung mga "LET'S MOOOOB IT!!!MOOOB IT!!!" plus "STRIKE A POSE!!!BANANA!!!!"

wahaha!!!!daming fun memories nung orsem.pagtatawanan ko nlang next time lahat ng mga pinaggagagawa ko during the orsem.haha.

orsem :)

today, we had our orsem! :) haha duh! (sa title pa lng e!) anyway, it was tiring...reeeeaaalllyyy tiring.we toured the whole campus the whole morning.buti nalang it wasn't that hot.it was actually windy.we had group dynamics the rest of the day.fun naman ung 1st day of orsem. :p

im amused by this one tree in ateneo.it's called the 'batibot tree".remeber how when we were kids, we used to love watching batibot? :) haha.and in the show, there's this tree, with benches all around it? (frankly, i don't remember anything about the show except for the mascot that looked like a bird) well anyway, this tree in ateneo also has benches around it.hence, the name. :) haha.when our TNT (it means "talks and tours" - not "tago ng tago") told us about this tree, i thought they used to tape the show in ateneo around the tree so they gave it that name.i realized just now that it was pretty dumb of me to think that. :)

block Y1.this is my block.there are i think 22 people in it.including me.im not sure basta less than 30 kami. :) haha. :) meron na kong new friends! :) haha!!and some of my blockmates are really fun to be with.1st day palang pero madami nang kalokohan. :) haha.

im not really excited to go back to school.even though im gonna be in college.pro at least ngayon, i have something to look forward to. :)

yeeey!!!

we're going to batangas on june 12!!!!!yeeey!!!!!

i finally get to go somewhere this summer! :) although d na summer for some people summer pa din for me (14 pa psok ko e :p)

punta kami with my mother side relatives.and nixie and joanna (bonding time!!!) c shara kasi d pinayagan e!hmph!

si atchie and ahia din my kasama a couple of friends.haha.

yeeeey!!!sure fun day ang june 12!!! :)

...i hope it doesnt rain...not even a single drop... :p

unleashed

we watched unleashed last night sa promenade.im not a fan of action movies but i do watch a few.under last night's circumstances, i had no choice.

it wasn't a full throttle action movie.there were some melodramatic parts.those parts actually made the movie bearable and watchable for me. :) kapag puro action tinutulugan ko lang yun.haha.seryoso.when we watched triple x, i slept through most of the movie.un start lang npanood ko.and if i remembered right, we were seated at the front part of the theater.haha see?

anyway, siguro sa lahat ng action movies na npanood ko (a handful lng cguro) this one would be the only one that i'd be willing to watch over and over again.i don't know if it was the storyline or the role of pianos in the movie that made it appealing to me.

it wasn't the best of movies, not even the best of action movies (take it from my dad) but it didn't stink either.come to think of it, i think i liked the movie.haha.

feel ko mgplay ng piano...hanap ako ng music score sa internet :p