The Clan of the Cave Bear

FINALLY!!!nahanap ko na din ung librong hinahanap ko for more than 3 years! :) found it sa fully booked in promenade.and it was in the topmost shelf.and it was sort of "hidden" so you wouldn't find it unless you were looking for it.

Title is - as you can clearly see - The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auel

It all started when i went to Canada for the summer.Since hindi ako mahilig magshopping (fact about me - if you don't know this then you don't know me) nasa bookstore ako lagi.ung bookstore nila dun (Chapters ung name) parang mini shop.Kasi hindi lang libro binebenta nila.parang accessory shop w/ books.I saw the book during our last day there, and it was hard bound.Wala ng space sa luggage ko dahil sa pasalubong and stuff so i couldn't buy it.E series kasi sya.So 4 books na tuloy tuloy.I was thinking of hand carrying it pero hello?! it's too heavy!Think 4 hard bound Harry Potter 5 books.Since it was pretty much a best seller there, i thought surely mron un dito kahit hindi hard bound.much to my dismay, habang nkaupo ako sa airplane, i realized that i forgot the title and the author.but i was pretty sure that IF i see the book i'd be able to recognize it.

pag-uwi ko, un ung una kong hinanap sa bookstore.everytime i get the chance to go to the mall, pmpunta ako ng bookstore tpos hinahanap ko un.pro walaaaaa.....until full booked opened in promenade.and the best thing is, they have all 4 books!!:) wheee!!!happy happy!!!haha.

im gonna take care of those 4 books.i even had it covered (something i rarely do, even with my school books - i stopped doing it nung grade 6 ata) after all, it took me 3 years just to find it dba?

commuting to and from payatas

guess what?! :) i commuted from ateneo to payatas yesterday! :) haha!!actually, d sya tlga commuting kasi one ride lang ung whole trip.hahah so prang ngrent lng kmi ng jeep para ihatid at sunduin kami sa payatas.pero still, jeep parin un no! :) hahah.

*****

area namin sa payatas kahapon ng morning.basically, we just toured the area.pro sabi nila 1/3 palang dw ng area ung npuntahan namin.hahah.anyway, it was FUN!

i expected to see great big mounds of garbage and a little small community beside it.hindi pala ganun.payatas is like a whole village.sobrang laki.maybe even bigger than some "rich villages" out there.as in my mga streets din and stuff.people living here are not as poor as you think.we got to take a peek at some of the houses and most were pretty well furnished.ung isang kasama namin, binalikan ung house nung kid na tinuturuan niya dati and sbi nya my computer and webcam na dw.gling no?pro syempre, they still need help.there are still lots of things to improve on.it just shows us that the lives of people living here are getting better bit by bit.

people there are so hospitable.as in sobra.aclc know quite a few families in the area and they offered us food and drinks.kahit na nung tumanggi kami kasi we had a long way to go, they still insisted and stuff.they offered us what little they had to make us comfortable.sobrang bait dba? :)

i cant wait to go back.sobrang saya tlga!:)

scapular ko...

ung scapular ko nasira...naputol ung cross...d ko alam kung panu nngyari...

basta kasi i never take my scapular off.unless kelangan.pero kanina, nung maliligo na ko, napansin ko na parang umiksi ung cross.so i took a good look at it.tapos nakita ko na putol na ung cross.i tried looking for the other half but i couldn't find it.it could be anywhere...

my days scapular... *sniff sniff* d nman ako mamamatay without it, pro wla lng, sentimental value?haha. :) labo ko nnman.

happy happy joy joy!

kktpos lng ng days weekend! :) yes!another fulfilling weekend....high nanaman ako.the dwtl never ceases to lift up my mood. :) no matter how small my part is during the weekend. :p

nakalimutan ko na actually ung song na yan (title) pro some of my friends were singing it kanina habang ngiintay matapos ang "bye" part ng days. :) it's the song ren and stimpy sung.and i just thought it would be fitting if i used it as the tilte of this entry.nakikita nyo naman kung bakit ,hindi ba?

hyper nnman ako bukas...

there's still loads of stuff to be excited about...kya lng, why does it have to be at the end of the week? haaay...such a long wait.

bagsak ako

ang hirap hirap ng botany lab long test!!!if right minus wrong ung test, baka negative pa ako.mron mga ewan dun sa microscope na prang ngayon ko lng nkita.tpos mga sagot ko parepareho.oh well, sna never na nya ibigay ung results dyan sa test na yan.

love ko pa naman ang botany...ngayon hindi na.haha yan napapala ng mga kumokopya sa lab.pagdating ng test, walang alam.

kya starting next lab, mgcconcentrate na ako.haha.ayan nnman ako, kung anu anu ssabihin tpos pgdating ng lab itself, d nnman ggwin.

haaay...sabi nga ni jera "ang buhay parang medyas...kasi life socks!"

...ang corny ko...

yeeey!!! and katamaaad...

yey lapit na days weekend! :) haha! :) finally!miss ko na kumanta sa days tlga. :p dami ko na makikita na mga tao sa friday!!!yup, im going to the welcoming. :) haha.

im proud to say na ever since my dwtl, i haven't missed a single welcoming. *beams*

wahaha!!!nkakaexcite makakita ng new dazers.brings back memories of my own dwtl. :) haha.

*****

i have to study for my botany lab long test.mgsstart na ko ngayon kasi sabi ng ibang block, mahirap dw...haha.as if, my use ung pag-aaral ko.haha.tsk tsk...kung nagpaparticipate lng ako kung lab...e d sana okay na.haha jowk! :) gumagawa naman ako e paglab, di ko lang talaga mgrasp ung concept ng ibang experiment (panu kc, kumokopya at nagpapakopya lng kami haha) anyway, MAGPAPAKANERD na ko.

*kristine, nakikita mo ba yan?all caps and in bold letters pa.ngayon ko lng yan sasabihin.nag-aaral na ko.haha.i think i've become more mature now that im in college. -> YUCK!san ko nakuha yan?!haha!

am i wrong?

i grew up thinking and knowing that its wrong not to help someone in need.but why am i going against it?

last summer, i was forced to go to this buddhist youth camp.hindi sya camp na about religion.pero for the duration of the camp, you're supposed to do everything in a buddhist way.di ko nga alam kng mgppray ba ako bago kumain e kasi baka maoofend mga tao dun.vegetarian din lahat ng food.well anyway, i never wanted to go in the first place.besides, i was sick for 3 days before the start of camp.but my ever beloved mom forced me to go.

just so you'd know, i have a huge sense of commitment.hindi ako sumasali ng kahit ano kung alam kong hindi ko kaya ibigay ung time and effort ko sa sasalihan ko.so far, lahat ng pinasukan ko, i can honestly say that i've always tried my best to attend every meeting and participate in the activities.

sa youth camp, i tried to enjoy myself.believe me, i tried.pero anong magagawa ko?i didn't feel good, physically or emotionally.dahil nilalagnat ako during the whole camp, i couldn't enjoy myself.sa totoo lng, sa fc, kahit na my sakit ako gus2 ko parin pumunta.pati sa mc ganun ako.pero sa camp na yun, no matter how hard i tried, d ko talaga magawang magustuhan ung camp.hindi ko alam bakit.normally, i would have thought "okay lang, at least im helping other people out." pero hindi e.instead of telling myself na okay lang, sinasabi ng utak ko "i want to go home"

after the 3-day camp, di pa sya tapos.my parang activities parin and stuff.and syempre, since pumunta ako dun sa camp, tinatawagan dn nla ako to invite me to participate in the activity.hanggang ngayon ayoko pa rin sumama.

kanina lng, may tumawag daw kasi my sorting thing daw tom (sunday-actually today) morning.my mom was forcing to go.sabi ko ayoko.ganito usapan namin:

mama : bakit ba ayaw mo pumunta?
me : kelangan ko mag-aral ng botany (daw!) my test kami sa tuesday.
mama : monday ka pa nman magaaral e.pumunta ka na.tumutulong ka naman sa tao a.
me : ayoko nga e.bakit ba lagi mo ako pinipilit pumunta dyan?
mama : *nagagalit na* bakit ba?!dapat di mo pinipili kung sino ung tinutulungan mo no!
me : *naiinis na tlga* e pilit ka ng pilit ayoko nga e. walang kwentang tumulong kung napipilitan ka lang tumulong.

ayan nanaman ako sa mga katwiran ko.natahimik nlang si mama.helping should come from the heart.yes, i want to help.its not as if the people they help in tzu chi (name of the camp thing) dont ned help.they do.but my heart is not in the right place.

i dont mean to be indifferent and insensitive.feeling ko prang naassociate ko na ung camp sa problem ko nung time na un.kya na rin cguro kahit na anong pilit ko e d ko talaga magustuhan ung camp.to the 5 people who know about my problem, you know how i feel about "psycho".ganun nffeel ko pagdating d2.d ko alm bakit.

yes, i feel so mean.cguro nagguilty din ako minsan for refusing to help.during the camp, we got to look at some of the people the camp was helping.i pitied them and i wanted to do something.i wanted to help.pro not in that camp.i wanted to help by joining some other org or something.

my point still stands.

helping is not helping when it's done without heart.

i can breathe

finally, i got to talk to you.although not in person, it's better than not being able to talk to you at all.if you can read this, yes, im relieved.and no, im not about to lecture you or anything like that.i think you already know what i want to tell you if ever magagalit ako sa iyo.and i know, getting mad at you wont do both of us any good.

its been a while since everything happened.and you've asked me to do some things for you.some were pretty easy.others were...let's just say, quite hard.alam ko na i should just do what you want me to do dahil sort of "bridge" lang naman ako.but i couldnt help questioning your decision.i was actually reluctant to do what you asked me to do, but in the end i just had to.i guess you've thought about it pretty hard.you must have.after all, you had a hard time getting in dba?

but i cant help thinking that you're throwing it all away.i think it would have been better for you if you went to ica yesterday (july 8).there was nothing to be afraid of.its not as if, she'd shout at you or humiliate you.she's not like that.she's not even angry.

anyway, i've done what you've told me to do.no sense in not telling her since ikaw na ngsabi na you're not gonna go back.and since you've asked me to do some things for you i have a few favors to ask of you din.

1. take care of yourself.no matter what happens always take care of yourself.if not 4 yourself, then for everyone who cares about you.
2. dont forget that we're here for you.not just me, but all your friends.and your family, although you believe they've done otherwise.

bakit ganito?

i dont understand why i feel this way.im happy...yes, im happy.but at times, when im alone i feel...lonely.it's as if there's something missing, something lacking in my life.the hard thing is i dont know what's missing.i dont know how to find it either.im so confused.

Jess, konting tulong po.