will you still love me in the morning?

i will. in the morning, in the afternoon and at night. even when the sun and moon stops to go up and down in the sky, i will.

Can someone tell me where I belong?

Where I should go,

Can someone show me where I'm going wrong?

I need to know

Why do I hurt the ones I love with everything I do?

If I can't be what they want of me

Then what am I to do?

I can't go home.

Oh, this much I know.

It might be better if I just disappear.

Alone.

I've got to find my way.

And I will survive some way.

If only there was a place where I could be,

Just me.

*****

"Cause I don't wanna sing
when you're not listening
I don't wanna go anywhere that
you don't follow
I don't wanna be here when you're not with me
Cause no matter what I do it's better with you.

Now I all I think about is you, in my life, in my dreams,

in my heart I know it's true, that

I BELONG WITH YOU.

Because of you in my world, in my arms, I have everything

and now I can't imagine what I'd do without you."

*****

there's nothing to be scared of. it's you. and it will always be you. no matter what you do. you can hurt me, you can not care, you can leave. but if and when you come back, you will find that it's still you. i love you and nothing, especially noone, can change that. as the song goes..

The road before me is long and winding.

I don't know what I'll be finding there.

We will walk with each other,

Forever.

We can face any trials,

Together.

And I love you,

Everyone is gonna see.

And I love you,

For all eternity.

It was your touch,

That opened up my eyes.

It was your touch,

That made me realize.

That I was living, living a lie.

So please, please help me try.

Take hold of my soul,

And make me whole.

MAGTIIS. mahabang mahabang pagtitiis.

ganyan tlga ang buhay. isang malaking pagsubok ng pasensya. 2 more years. 2 years na lang. kaya ko to. kahit anong gawin mo, kahit anong problema, kaya ko to.

KAKAYANIN KO TO.

nababasa mo yan?!! KAKAYANIN KO TO!!!

hey you back!!!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

tama na, for you, tama na.

give me a break

...

*****

magmumura sana ako, first time after 4 years. pero hindi. wg nalang pala. napagisip isip ko na HINDI KA KARAPAT DAPAT MURAHIN. dahil una, tao ka lang. lahat tyo tao lang. pwedeng mgkamali. kahit PAULIT ULIT, kahit WALANG KATAPUSAN. pangalawa, SINO AKO para murahin ka??? hindi ako ang Diyos, hindi ako ang bumuhay sayo, hindi kita kaibigan, hindi kita kilala. at pinakahuli sa lahat, HINDI AKO MAGMUMURA DAHIL LANG SA TAONG KATULAD MO. pero pra lang malaman mo, kung pwede lang, babawiin ko ang araw na nakilala kita. isa kang PAHAMAK, SINUNGALING. isa kang SELF-CENTERED, EGOTISTIC, MANIPULATIVE PAIN IN THE ASS!!!! matagal mo na akong iniinis at pinahihirapan. kapag ako naging psychopath, WAG KA MAGALALA. IKAW ang unang una kong ppuntahan. e d masaya ka?? for once, linalapitan kita ng kusa. ginugulo mo ang buhay kong napakatagal kong pinaghirapang ayusin!!! sana umayos ka na. sana tumigil ka na. just..

SHOOT A BULLET THROUGH MY HEAD!!!!!

It's deadlier than all the venom in the world combined. At least venom kills you. If it's strong enough, in a matter of seconds. Jealousy ruins your life. And no matter how strong it is, it will always keep you alive to experience the aftermath of it all.

"Isabelle, Buddha teaches us that some of us are born with stones and some of us are born with jewels. But the most fulfilled of us, are those who are born with stones. And turn them into jewels."

- Kyle, Roswell

im.. a high priestess???

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

because i cant sleep

how can everything come flooding back just by the mere memory of it?

to my unconscious:

be a good unconscious mind and do your work now. repress everything bad and hurtful. HEY, i have a question for you.. why didn't you repress stalker?? WASN'T IT TRAUMATIC ENOUGH FOR YOU?!!!! where'd all my defense mechanisms go that time???

*****

some memories are just too hard to get rid of. while the ones you want to remember, u forget in a matter of seconds.

btw, i am NOT, i repeat, i am NOT going insane. is it too hard to ask to forget a few details and a few people in my life?

and you, how can you talk as if you've been together? no, stop! i dont want to hear it. if you want justify urself, do so to the right person, not to me. you are like glue.. and to you, this will not make sense. just like it won't to anybody else. except for one. too bad, it's not you.

*****

you are everything i never want to be. though i have the potential to be,like you. but i WON'T, and i CAN'T!!!! the minute i do, im gona jump out that broken window in Bel 312.

*****

hay.. Jess, sometimes i think you want to push me over the edge. but not to worry, im sure You will catch me. as always, silently shouting out my commitment, BIL, BIJ.

while waiting for my groupmates...

during the beginning of my first year in college, i wouldn't even have thought of seeing this person as someone i could talk to. someone i could be myself with. yeah, he was always willing to help and always trying to lighten things up and always wanting to break that awkward silence you two share. but he was too willing, trying too hard and wanting too much. he was nice and possibly even funny, considerate and a gentleman. yet, for some reason, people just veer away, well.. not exactly veer away. because his willingness, his helpfulness, or whatever it is he possesses is sometimes, too annoying to bear.

but during the past year and a half that ive known him, he never held a grudge. though he knew how people saw him, he didnt stop being the way he was. he didnt stop being as kind, as helpful, as willing, as gentle. we've talked sometimes, not rarely but not usually. just when we both have time to spare. he tells me about his grades, his girlfrend, his past, his dreams, his life. and i tell him, whatever's on my mind. and whatever it is, it seems lyk he always understands. even when all ive told him was a fraction of the whole thing, his advice was always sincere. when he talks, i listen. and when i talk, he listens. nd yet, all i ever considered him to be was my blockmate.

it disappoints me now to think that others, ive managed to call "friend" when they haven't done anything to deserve such a title. and here he is, being everything that a good friend should be, and all i can call him is my blockmate. i feel like such a fool for denying him that. it's ironic how sometimes, the one you never thought could be your friend, is the one who turns out to have been just that all this while.

~ if you're reading this, and you know who you are, i just want to say that i appreciate everything you've done for me. for always trying to help me out, for listening to my petty problems, for cracking jokes when you know im not feeling ok. for sharing your stories with me and for just trusting me enough to tell me your worries about life. for dealing with my bad moods and for letting me tease you and even punch you sometimes. ~

hanggang ngayon nangungulit ka prin

kahit na alm kong d mo to makikita..

wag mo nang alamin ang drama ng buhay ko.

haha!!!!

there is no need to wait for something that will not come

So many things have happened since my very first day in college. It would be a little bit too early to say that college will never compare to highschool. But based on everything i've experienced right now, id say it is. Yet, the best moments in my life, ive experienced in college.

As everyone says, there is always a first time for everything. And the first time you experience something can only be one of two things. It'll either be the best or the worst. The best because you never knew something could be this wonderful and the worst because you never knew something could hurt that much. Either way, each experience prepares you for the next. You may be left torn and broken into pieces or rejuvenated and eager to take on whatever's coming at you. There may be regret and things that are left unclear. There may be guilt that even apology and humitlity cannot ease.

And the result of what has happened? Well, it depends. What have you done? What have I done? What has everyone involved done? Something so small, shouldnt be allowed to get so big. Big enough to ruin.. a lot. But it it too late for regrets, for apologies, for assuring and kind words. It is time to move on. Yet, everything is not resolved. There is no such thing as closure. Because even though things are dealt with, when you feel so strongly about something, the mere memory of it, brings back emotions. Emotions once felt that as recalling happens, are being felt. Emotions that have long been set to rest are revived all over again. And yet there are some, that have always been there but were ignored and most of all, hidden. These hidden ones, are the most dangerous of all. Because when they cannot take being hidden anymore, they wreak havoc and jump out. Slashing their claws at the same time to inflict pain and sometimes, even to paralize. When they are done, things are irreparable. Then, its time for care to take over. But when things are so bad, you think.. Why care? When the other doesn't.

At this point, there is nothing left to do but leave things as they are. Trying is useless and will only end in even more disappointment. No, not even friends. You start to question, to reexamine. Who are my friends? Are the people I work with, my friends? Are the people who greet me so merrily, my friends? Are THEY my friends? Or do they just pretend? These questions swim around in your mind. You have a minute with nothing to do, you think. You go to the bathroom, you think. You think and think and think.. until it is permanently in your mind. until you dream about it. Then you get your answer. And you realize, that sometimes, your dreams know you better than yourself. It is useless, to wait for something that will never come. So a soldier whose comrades have all died in the war, must walk away from where everything took place. Because if he stays too long, the sight and smell of death will grip him so tight, he might go limp and his body will grow too heavy for him to move.

"Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today, I dare to win"

- Bernadette Devlin