withdrawal

i feel alone.

and i haven't even withdrawn from anyone yet.

what's happening?

so what's new?

i believe i should stop fighting losing battles.

why?

because when i look at you, i'm reminded of all the simplest things i love. like the warmth of the sun after a heavy downpour. the smell of new and old books. the sound of a person typing on a noisy keyboard like he's got a great great idea he needs to write down lest he forget. and of an acoustic guitar being broken in. the feeling of cold water running down your throat on a hot day.

because when i look at you, i know i'm looking at a dream minus the sleeping and the waking up.

gray matters

Sam: Well how do you feel?
Gray: Lonely.
Sam: Why?
Gray: Because I'm never going to be able to walk down the street, holding hands with my partner without the rest of the world giving us a look. And me never have the wedding that I once dreamed of and I may never have children. And one day when I die people will never give as much respect to my grieving lover as if she were my husband.
Sam: Gray, it's not as if you made a choice.
Gray: That's what terrifies me. It's so much easier to be someone else.

now who's crying, desiring to come back to me

i was talking to a friend a while ago about changing facebook statuses.

i realized i'm just a little bit short of craving for something radical. well.. not really radical, but something that will offer rest from the never-ending hiding.

i can feel it building up sometimes.

i'm about to explode and i'm desperately suppressing it because i know now is not the time. and the time is still a long, long way off.

i risk losing my med school education and everything else if i say it too soon. i risk losing myself if i say it too late.

the thing is..

will there ever be a right time?





*title courtesy of the friend i was talking about (thought i wouldn't do it, didn't u? :P )

injections injections injections

we did a physio experiment last tues about hemoglobin and stuff.

i was able to get blood from one of my groupmates. :D

med tech work. but still.. masaya pa rin. :)